Taking Care of the Caregiver

By: Pamela J. Ginsberg, Ph.D.

Licensed Psychologist

Having an ill loved one is hard.  Being his/her caregiver is even harder.  When you are the person who is responsible for the day-to-day care of an ill loved one, while also trying to manage the emotional consequences of seeing that loved one ill, while also dealing with the already existing family stresses and dynamics, it is very easy to get burned out and feel that there is nobody there to care for you.

When I work with caregivers, one of the biggest problems I encounter is getting them to take care of themselves both physically and emotionally.  It is SO stressful to be a caregiver, yet so few caregivers change their habits to account for this significant increase in stress.  Caregivers are often so focused on providing care that they neglect their own needs.

One of the most important things a caregiver can do is to recruit help.  No one person should carry the caregiving burden alone.  Friends and family will offer help in a general way, but the caregiver must learn to accept help, assign certain tasks to those helpers, and ask for help when needed.  There are certain online programs designed to do this, including www.lotsahelpinghands.com.  These sites help caregivers organize helpers and send out requests for specific times/tasks/chores to be done.

One of the most-complicating factors for caregivers of terminally ill loved ones is that the end of the stress also means the end of the loved one’s life.  This is an emotionally confusing position in which to live, sometimes for long periods of time.  It is important for caregivers to know that help is available to them both through online support groups and face-to-face counseling or groups.  When caregivers are getting the appropriate support, then their ability to care for their loved ones improves.

We all need help sometimes.  Asking for help when life is at its most stressful is a sign of strength, not weakness.  Reach out, set good limits, and accept the loving kindness of others who want to help you.

Bio: Pamela J. Ginsberg, Ph.D. is a licensed Psychologist in Doylestown.  She has been in practice for over 19 years.  She specializes in women’s issues, women’s health, women with cancer, grief and bereavement, relationships, and stress management.  She is on staff at Doylestown Hospital and on the Board of Directors of Gilda’s Club of Delaware Valley.  Dr. Ginsberg has worked with individuals, couples, and corporations to help people take control of their lives, make better life choices, learn good coping skills and decision-making skills, and live happier, more fulfilling lives.

 

Bucks County Women’s Journal

bcwmnsjournal@yahoo.com

http://www.buckscountywomensjournal.com

 

You’ve Got Maids!

One of our contributors, You’ve Got Maids!, explains what it means to hire someone so dedicated, their training and why you should at least talk to them.  Very impressive.

Can I Afford a Professional Maid Service?

Only you can answer that one, but you might want to consider that maybe it’s time to call You’ve Got MAIDS to find out.

Fact: Homeowners’ insurance does not cover you or your home cleaner if someone gets hurt or if something goes missing.  So, hiring an uninsured cleaner may prove to be more expensive.  One example of this happened a couple years back with celebrity Chef Paula Deen.  The Deen family is still fighting over the stolen property that, according to their insurance company, is gone…the only good thing is that the house cleaner was sentenced to 18 months in jail.

My name is Elsa O’Brien.  I have owned and operated You’ve Got MAIDS of Bucks and Lehigh Valley for a few years.  Not only is our company diligent in cleaning homes and offices, but we also pride ourselves on exceeding expectations every day!

Here’s my story:

I had a cleaning lady who informed me one day that she was going back to school, so I needed to find someone else.  My husband and I looked on Craigslist but could not find one we trusted or felt comfortable giving access to our home.  After months of searching, we learned the importance of hiring a professional maid service, and our focus shifted.  We interviewed the professional franchise brands and realized the one we never heard of might be the best choice.

We contacted the You’ve Got MAIDS corporate headquarters in Charleston, South Carolina and bombarded them with questions.  Eventually, we got to the question “What’s the number of the franchise who services our area”?  It was then that they said no one was in our area yet.  I settled for one of the other companies, which did a great job initially but then started missing more and more every time.  Frustrated, I called You’ve Got MAIDS again about the process of purchasing the Bucks and Lehigh Valley territory.

The training process

included a trip to Charleston…not easy getting my husband to take off a week, but I promised he could play one game of golf while we were there.  So we packed a bag, jumped in our little Piper, and headed south!  With plenty of sharp pencils and a laptop, we were ready to learn the business.  Frank Berger and his team of professional trainers spent a week with us teaching us everything from how and why you dust high to low and edging corners to the most minute details like fluffing the pillows after stripping and making the beds.  The training was like a hurricane at times but somehow all made sense when it was time to head home.  Frank continues to visit several times a year, bringing new ideas and new products.

So, what makes You’ve Got MAIDS different from the other cleaning companies?

Our motto is simple: “We don’t do one thing 100% better than the others.  We do 100 things 1% better.”  It might sound silly, but, if we continue to work on ourselves, it will show to others.          Today, my husband and I have nearly 100 loyal residential clients, as well as a growing number of commercial customers.

You’ve Got MAIDS also provides a high-temp/low-moisture vapor-cleaning process for mattresses, chairs, and sofas.  You’ll love the difference once we’re done.  Heat is the only thing that kills bedbugs and dust mites, and it also kills many viruses and diseases.  Our clients literally breathe better air!  Our hepa backpack vacs are the only vacuums recommended by the American Lung Association.

Another thing we do that usually goes unnoticed is our color rag cleaning process.  We will never use a cleaning cloth in the kitchen that was used in any other part of your home.  Green is kitchen, yellow is bathroom, and blue is general surfaces as well as glass.

All our professional maids go through Maid University before stepping foot into a home or commercial building.  With background checks done and a complete cleaning education, a trained associate is ready to WOW you with a totally clean and fresh home.  There’s always a Supervisor on site for each service. You’ve Got MAIDS offers loyalty rewards as well as referral rewards that you can use towards discounted cleans or earn enough for a free clean.

You’ve Got MAIDS proudly offers a 100% Satisfaction Guarantee! So, remember: we’re not happy until you’re happy.

Give us a call today for a free estimate.  We’ll walk through your home or office and give you a written quote and answer all your questions.

Bucks County Women’s Journal

www.buckscountywomensjournal.com

bcwmsjournal@yahoo.com

215.721.0645

 

Organizing Yourself

http://www.theclosetshop.us

There comes a point in one’s life where organization becomes more important, especially when it pertains to home organization. The Closet Shop is not a home organizer, but we can help you get organized by providing a variety of shelving and storage ideas for your closets, pantry, home office, and garage.

Over the years, we have made recommendations to customers on improving their closet storage space. The prospect of cleaning out a closet may seem daunting. The Closet Shop has a few timely tips to make this chore easier. Organizing your closets can be an intimidating project, especially if your stuff is absolutely overflowing the space you have, but it doesn’t have to be a miserable experience if you approach it with a bit of planning and a sense of fun.

The Closet Shop recommends starting with a couple of empty boxes or bags and plenty of empty space around you to work in as you remove items from your closet. “If you just start randomly pulling things out of your closet, you’ll never know if you’ve looked through everything. Start at one end and work your way to the other end. This way you can see how much you’ve been through and how much more time it’s going to take to get to the end of the pole. Remember we wear 20% of our wardrobe 80% of the time. The rest of our clothes are worn rarely, if ever. You can gain a lot of storage space back by giving up the items that have only been worn once and are unlikely to ever be worn again.

Take each item off the rod to determine whether it stays or goes. If you’re sure you want to keep it, slide it down to the end, where you’ve got the “keeping” clothes accumulating. Anything you want to discard goes in a bag or box allocated for contribution to your favorite local charity. Make a list of what you’re giving to the charity as you pack the box. This list may be required if you itemize your tax deductions, as most charities do not provide a detailed receipt of the contribution.

What about those “iffy” items? What should you do with the pants you love but are too small to fit in? What about out-of-season clothes? Depending upon the size of your closet, you may want to transfer any out-of-season garments to boxes or bags out of the bedroom until it’s time to rotate your wardrobe.

As for that second wardrobe in a smaller size? Give it to charity. If your New Year’s resolution was to get back in shape to fit into that wardrobe, great! But a better reward than climbing into that smaller wardrobe is to buy a new one when you take off the pounds. Think how much fun it will be to shop for your reward! In the meantime, you’ll have endless more space in your closet.

Now comes the fun part: putting everything away. Of course, we think the best way to maintain an organized closet is to have us install one of our custom laminate systems, which divides the space into easy-to-manage sections for short and long clothes. However, there are many ways to keep a traditional closet space in order. You have to think about how you’ll best use the space with your current wardrobe.

Start by dividing your wardrobe into sections for leisurewear and work wardrobe. This may mean putting together all your long shirts, then the short-sleeve shirts. If you store some pants over the hanger and some by the cuff, then don’t mix them together. The same goes for shorts and pants. If you store both on hangers, keep them in separate sections. You’ll start to see clearly separate sections of your closet begin to emerge in an organized fashion.

Within each section, reorganize your clothing from light to dark. By maintaining your clothes not only in sections by type but also by color, you establish a permanent niche for each item. We tend to begin cluttering because we don’t see a permanent place to keep things.

When you bring your laundry back upstairs to put away, it’ll be much easier to find each item’s home if you know the light blue shirt goes next to the other aqua-colored shirt. Otherwise you just start putting things back altogether in the middle of the pole, and the clutter starts all over again.

And what do you do with shoes and sweaters? In our closet organizers, we design the customer’s space for sweaters to be stored at eye level on shelving. Shoes are stored in a shoe tower. Like everything else in the closet, if you can’t see it, you won’t use it.

Look for information on “Buying a Custom Closet” in the next issue of the Bucks County Women’s Journal.

Larry Glick

The Closet Shop

 

Larry Glick, owner of The Closet Shop, started the business in 2004. As a family-owned and operated local business, he and family members have provided closet design consultation, remodeling, sales, and installation.

 

Larry continues to install closets ensuring the customer gets exactly what was promised. The Closet Shop prides itself on customer service. For more information, contact Larry at The Closet Shop, 215.205.1130 or visit our website at http://www.theclosetshop.us.

 

Do You Really Believe Good Things Can Happen To You?

As a life coach for 11 years, coaching hundreds of people from all walks of life with a myriad of goals, I’ve learned one thing for sure:  Success in any life venture starts with a simple step:  strongly believing that what you want is possible to obtain.

Unfortunately, many people come into my office wanting to change their lives or situations but without that important foundational belief system upon which to build success. They lack the positive attitude and belief in themselves and in the power of possibilities that leads to the confidence they need to succeed.

In short, they’re setting themselves up for failure by not believing success is possible.  When I ask them if they really believe they can make their goal happen, they often stare blankly at me or look confused… and then blurt out “Sure” with a fearful or dumfounded look on their face. They have a dream but not an ounce of conviction about its potential for coming true.

Sometimes, this is because the client is, by nature, a negative person. He or she tends to focus more on the bad things that happen or the obstacles in the way rather than the positives and possibilities. For example, right before the recent presidential election, one of my closest friends was quite worried about her candidate’s chances of winning. She was letting the media onslaught of negative advertising and the pundits’ criticisms about her candidate permeate her psyche enough to adversely affect her mood and outlook.

She looked truly anxious when I spoke to her on November 4th, so I gave her an upbeat assessment of the actual state of the race in order to foster hope about a positive outcome.  And, indeed, that outcome did come about.

I feel strongly that “What we believe, we receive.”  If we believe we’re not smart enough, talented enough, or deserving enough to create and have what we want in life, chances are we won’t. However, if we believe we can achieve anything we set our minds to and attract everything we desire in life by making a clear intention, focusing on it in a positive way, and taking action to get it — guess what? We can! I know it sounds simplistic, bt it’s true. It’s more than just “looking on the bright side.” It’s being convinced that life really is good, and wonderful things really DO happen. It’s a huge attitude shift for some people (like the aforementioned negativethinker folks), and, yes, for them, it might be a BIG stretch to retrain their minds to think differently. But, hey, if it means no longer having that “victim mentality” that makes them feel at the mercy of circumstances rather than able to create their own destiny, isn’t it worth the stretch?

Here’s another example:  I often tell people I live a “charmed life” because things seem to turn out well for me. I’ve been blessed with marketable talents, good moneymanagement skills, the drive to start my own businesses and buy my own house, two great kids, and the ability to attract two big-hearted husbands and now a wonderful man who could very well be the greatest love of my life. I used to ascribe much of my good fortune to luck or fortuitous timing.  But, at age 59, after also navigating adversity such as the death of my youngest brother and my dad, two divorces, health issues, and some lean times income-wise, I can finally see the bigger picture. I now realize that, even when times were toughest for me, I somehow just “knew” inside things would work out fine. When I left my first marriage at age 41 as a freelance editor with no steady job and two children under 9, I didn’t fret. I remember thinking:  “I know I’ll find a way; things are going to be OK.” And I had a backup contingency plan in case they didn’t. How did I know things would work out fine?  Because I believed in myself enough and had built a strong enough support network to give me the confidence to face and overcome challenges.

And because I never gave up believing that everything happens for a reason and, if I used the lessons from the past, I could create an even better future.  Today, I’m happier than I’ve ever been. And you can be too—if you BELIEVE you can…and stop listening to anyone who tells you differently. If you need a “cheerleader” to help you keep believing, get in touch. That’s what life coaching is all about!

Do You Really Believe Good Things Can Happen To You?

Gayle Crist, M.S., is a life coach and dating coach in Doylestown. As a life coach, she helps people navigate life transitions such as separation/divorce or set and stick to life goals such as writing a book or starting their own business. As a dating coach, she helps singles discover places to meet people their age, improve their confi dence for dating, and create profi les/choose the best websites for online dating. Gayle is also a motivational speaker, seminar leader, copy editor, proofreader, and author of the book How I Met My Second Husband Online at Age 50. Check www.healthylifeplanning.com for life coach information and www.datingsuccesscoaching. com for dating coach info. You can reach her at 215- 489-0225 or gayle@datingsuccesscoaching.com.

The Choice Between Divorce Mediation or Litigation

Many times, when people discuss the differences between litigation and mediation in the realm of divorce, the main issue that they dwell upon is the much higher cost of litigation.

The truth of the matter is that divorce is so prevalent in our society today that very few people do not have a story about friends who have gotten divorced and have each paid their respective attorneys upwards of $10,000 or $15,000 or more to do so.  With the average cost of a mediated divorce being just a fraction of that, it is easy to see why that factor tends to catch people’s attention.  But, in the realm of family law, especially divorce, there are many other “costs” of litigating rather than mediating, which are overlooked.

Divorce is both a legal process and a family process. It has been stated often that the emotional forces that are bound to the dissolution of a marriage and a family argue for more-delicate measures than the  traditional court proceeding.  Mediation can be used to educate both parties about their needs now and into the future. Mediation can often help parties see payments for child support or alimony as less of an obligation and more of a family need.

Mediation further facilitates the understanding that, as long as the two people are parents to their children, they will need to cooperate to help see that their children remain emotionally healthy rather than traumatized during the divorce and after.

Unlike the process of adjudication which takes place at the courthouse, the emphasis is not on which party is right or wrong or who wins or loses. The emphasis in mediation is on establishing a workable solution that will best meet the needs of the family as a whole.

The court system is ill equipped to deal with the enforcement of the often- fragile interpersonal relationships between family members that will continue long after the divorce is final. Once the court becomes involved in these issues, it often will be needed again and again to provide added support or enforcement, rather than allowing the families to enforce themselves and their agreements.

Divorce is always one of life’s greatest challenges even for those who are wise enough to pursue mediation. However, there is no doubt that mediation will significantly reduce the financial and emotional impact of divorce.

© Alpha Resource Center, LLC

http://www.alpha-divorce.com

1-800-310-9085

Meet the Women from Bucks Country Gardens

Adriene Vesci Rice
Graphic Designer and Advertising Coordinator

Adriene Vesci Rice has been an integral part of Bucks Country Gardens since May of 2008. She is responsible for all of the company’s advertisements, signage, and commercials as well as the magazine, Picket Fences. You won’t see Adriene on the sales floor, but her presence is visible everywhere.

She earned her BA in Film Studies in 1994 from Temple University. Adriene returned to Temple’s Tyler School of Art a few years later for a BFA in Illustration and Graphic Design. Adriene is a member of the Bucks County Women in Business Association and a recent graduate of the Chamber’s Leadership Advancement Program.   This October, Adriene is celebrating her 5th wedding anniversary with her husband Marc. They have a 21-month old daughter, Isabella, and are expecting another baby in the spring.

Becky Jones
Outdoor Greenhouse Manager

Becky Jones was introduced to Bucks Country Gardens in 2002 during her senior year at Elizabethtown College. She started doing Christmas setup until the company realized she had much more potential. After graduating with a Bachelor’s degree in Environmental Science, Becky moved to the greenhouse where she still is today. Her daily responsibilities mostly revolve around the care and merchandising of annuals and perennials, but she also creates displays and inputs data.

A native of Bucks County, Becky is continuously furthering her education by attending classes at Delaware Valley College. She has taken courses in plant identification, soils, and landscape graphics.

Outside of work, Becky enjoys reading, shopping, and traveling to the beach. She also just became an aunt and loves spending time with her niece.

Donna Dentner
Lifestyles Manager

Donna Dentner has been a member of the Bucks Country Gardens team since 2005. As the Lifestyles Manager, she is responsible for the Furniture and Gift departments as well as Christmas. She travels to Chicago, Dallas, and Atlanta annually to purchase everything that you see in each of her departments. She loves discovering new styles and keeping the company cutting edge. Her passion for sales is contagious throughout the company.

Donna is a member of the Casual Furniture Retail Association, which keeps her up to date with trends and marketing regarding outdoor living. She is also a member of Bucks County’s Women in Business Association.

Outside of Bucks Country Gardens, Donna enjoys spending time with her family as well as her two dogs, Jax and Rudy. She also enjoys gardening and traveling when she can.

Jen Robinson was involved with Bucks Country Gardens well before she officially started at the company. She began babysitting for the owner’s sons in 1998, four years before she started working full time as a cashier in 2002. After just a few months at Bucks Country Gardens, Jen’s career rapidly accelerated.

Jen moved to the Accounting department and quickly realized it was the place for her. She is responsible for keeping Bucks Country Gardens on track on a daily basis. Her responsibilities include everything from Accounts Payable and Receivable to Bookkeeping and Payroll.

Outside of Bucks Country Gardens, Jen is busy raising her two children, Mackenzie and Brayden, with her high school sweetheart, Brian. This October they will be celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary.

Nancy McIlvaine
Dry Goods Manager/Buyer

Nancy has been an essential member of the Bucks Country Gardens team for over 24 years. Starting as a cashier, Nancy quickly made her way through every department, expanding her knowledge of the company with each step. She is continuously attending product seminars and traveling to buying shows, searching for the perfect products for our customers.

Salesmanship and product knowledge are the biggest contributors to Nancy’s success and growth. For her, it’s the people who keep her coming back to work every day. Products are always changing, and she likes that each day is like a new beginning.

In her free time, Nancy enjoys traveling with her husband John and relaxing on their boat in Barnegat Light. She is also a devoted gardener and loves to fish.

Patti Carr
Accounting and Human Resources Manager

Patti Carr has been the Manager of Accounting and Human Resources at Bucks Country Gardens since January 2004. Prior to joining Bucks Country Gardens, Patti enjoyed several years as a Certified Public Accountant with two private firms. With all of her prior experience, Patti is involved in every aspect of our business; from everyday financing responsibilities to planning company events, she does it all.

Patti is the only female member of the Executive Committee, helping to guide the evolution of our company. She is an advocate for working moms and encourages young women to keep a career outside of the home.

Away from Bucks Country Gardens, Patti enjoys spending time with her husband of 20 years, Doug, their two daughters, Megan and Kaitlin, and their black lab, Toby.

Design Basics – A Recipe for Your Rooms

Decorating your home is like baking a cake. You would not add icing or accents until you had followed the directions and baked a tasty dessert. Like using a recipe, following the basics of good design rules will give you a home that is equally scrumptious and ready for all the trimmings.

Let’s look at just a few common decorating mistakes. We’ll discuss what can be done to address them and, in so doing, create a room that is more functional and pleasing to the senses.

Chocolate or Orange Marmalade?

Every room should have a focal point just as every cake has a flavor. Sometimes it’s a natural or architectural feature; sometimes you create the focus. Play it up by allowing it to orient the room. A fireplace or beautiful garden views through French doors are examples of natural or architectural features, while an entertainment center is a created attraction. This is the place where the eye wants to go. Position the furniture in such a way that the focal point gives visual reference for the room, much like chocolate is the focus of a chocolate cake.

Mix Well

Well-designed rooms, much like great desserts, spark conversation. Make yours inviting by creating a comfortable conversation area. Ideally, a sofa and pair of club chairs should form a “U” shape for maximum comfort and ease of conversation. You can accomplish the same with two sofas facing each other, or a sofa facing two chairs side by side. Create a cozy, self-contained space that eliminates traffic through it for a more-fluid flow around it if possible.

Build the Layers

The balance of a room is affected by the size, style, and placement of the furniture in the same way that using a level pan produces a uniform cake.  The visual weight of an overstuffed, puffy-armed, skirted sofa versus the visual weight of a tailored, tight-armed sofa on wooden legs is significant. Consider open-shelved end tables and coffee tables with legs to accompany and offset a weighty sofa and, conversely, more solid tables with drawers to offset clean-lined sofas. Balance the weight of the room itself by ensuring furniture of equal visual weight is on the opposite side of the room.

 

2 Equal Spoons Full

Nothing creates a cohesive look like pairs. Pairs appeal to our natural sense of balance and stability. Two eyes, two ears, two arms, two legs. You notice when a woman is missing an earring or accidentally wears one black shoe and one blue. Pairs create cohesion and that “pulled- together” look. Symmetry contributes to the overall order of a space and establishes a solid foundation that brings harmony to any room. Pairs of candlesticks on the fireplace mantel, sconces flanking a piece of artwork, throw pillows on the sofa, prints hung side by side, matching table lamps on end tables, double bookcases, floor plants in matching planters—all create balance. Even if you don’t have an exact twin, you can create the look. For example, raise up a shorter lamp by setting it atop a few coffee-table books.

Start With a Good Cake Pan

Beyond furniture, art, and accessories, you are left with the framework or backdrop of the room. This includes the walls, windows, and floor— essential and important areas to address in any room. Your walls should be in good shape and periodically painted or papered. Flat paint is best for all rooms because it shows the color at its best and hides flaws. Semi-gloss is for hard-to-clean kitchens and baths. Choose colors that work with your upholstered furniture and act as the backdrop for the scene. Select good-quality flooring and keep it in good condition. Whether wood, tile, or carpet, follow the care instructions to preserve its best look and long life. Window treatments range from honeycomb shades to plantation shutters to beautiful custom drapes and top treatments. They are an investment that will enhance the look of the room, last for many years, and be a source of color and style.

These few design basics are not dependent on style or taste; they work for the contemporary or the traditional, the art deco or the French country. I have worked with many homeowners who have dramatically improved the look of a room in their home simply by correcting and modifying according to the basic recipe for good design, using ingredients they already had—and you can too.

Bon Appétit!

“We are delighted…Our house finally makes us feel at home, comfortable and inviting”

Jane M.,Doylestown,PA

Patty Kendall is the owner of Creative Decor – Interior Refining & Decorating and a gold-level certified member of The Interior Redecorators NetworkÔ. Offering great value for style-conscious home and business owners who want a comfortable, functional, and fashionable home or office. Creating great rooms with what you already have and design planning for what you need, Creative Decor works with you to achieve that finished look. From one-day room makeovers to a full-service redo, Creative Décor has flexible options for you. Beautiful window treatments, flooring, and sourcing for all your decorating needs. Call (215) 353-8544

Bucks County Women’s Journal

215-721-0645

http://www.buckscountywomensjournal.com